Hugging is a way to feel the heartbeat of love.

It feels so be good to be pampered. Especially if you lived most of your life trying to be independent. Of course you would expect your family to take care of you. But what if you're not home.. you have to deal with different kinds of people outside your comfort zone. As far as I have experienced, I sometime hate humans. They have this attitude of judging you and taking advantage of what you're weak about. Well.. I can say that because I have always been inferior. That may be the reason why I look so tough. Unconsciously, I've tried to create a feature that would make people think I'm tough.

So much for that..

I am such an emotional person. The fact that I am a girl is not helping. More so a human which is vulnerable to the thing called feelings.

But this thing called love. It defies all rules. It is where I learned that to make someone fall for you, you should be willing to give your unending love. That you should be willing to not receive anything at first. That sacrifice is the most foundation to make it worth it.

Everytime he holds my hand and caresses it, everytime he kisses my forehead, everytime he allows me to bury my head into his neck, everytime he carries me on his back, everytime he cooks for me, everytime he pays for what I need, everytime he accompanies me, everytime he smiles at me, everytime he carries my things, everytime he massages me, everytime he hugs me, everytime he smiles at me...

to receive all this when I thought I would never get the chance to from the beginning.. that I thought I would be forbidden to have it makes me cry with so much happiness.

I am just so thankful that I have him.

Especially the moment he said,

"kung palagi ka namang tumatanggi, wala naman akong magagawa"

He makes my words as an important factor. That he is actually giving me a choice about our relationship.. and so
my heart started to beat louder. I wonder, did he hear it?
Did he noticed that my hands were shaking and that I was making the I-am-falling face again?

Remembering all this makes me miss him more than what I already do. Right now, I'm holding on to Cinnamon as I kept on thinking about him.

I hope tomorrow its him that I'm hugging.